The return of the pole dancing mummy.

I am an extremely excited mummy. As part of my New Years resolutions this year, I decided I would eat a little healthier (mince pies were a staple food over Christmas!) and get back to doing exercise. Before I fell pregnant I loved exercising and did something every day. I found it gave me more energy, made me sleep better and curbed my anxiety. I was a much better person for it. But as I'm sure many of you mummies agree, once babies come in to the equation it all goes to pot... Well that's what happened with me anyway. 

One thing I miss most is Pole dancing lessons. At one point I was going 3 times a week and I was totally addicted. I would twist myself into ridiculous poses, fling myself round like a spinning top and amaze myself at the sheer strength of my body. It also gave me a lot of satisfaction when I would try week after week to master a trick and then I'd finally crack it. At the risk of sounding a little big headed (sorry!) I actually got quite good! 

Obviously while pregnant I had to stop. For a start my incredible teacher won't let you take classes if you're even a little bit pregnant. Bump or not, if there's a baby in your belly you're taking a time out! It was so hard for me, pole had become a huge part of my life and I suddenly had to go cold turkey. I have missed it hugely. 

So on the 1st January I decided that after 14 months of being out of it, it was time to get back on the pole. This Tuesday will be my first lesson back. I will ache, I will be covered in pole kisses (translation: fuck off massive bruises!) and I will have to wear hot pants and a strap top. IN PUBLIC. But it will be totally worth it and I can't wait. Let's get those abs back :-) 

Back to blissful normality...

I am a huge fan of Christmas. And obviously as Luke's first, this year it was extra special. However, as fun as the fairy light, carols and obscene amounts of food were, I surprised myself with just how much I relished getting back to normality. 

This morning was the first morning I didn't have to get up and get dressed. We had a leisurely breakfast and played with all Luke's new toys. We had cuddles on the sofa, watched postman pat, and Luke drifted off into a lovely peaceful sleep. I think it's the first time in over a week that he hasn't had his nap in the car whilst being ferried to yet another relatives house for lunch. 

We got to have a catchup with a mummy friend over lunch and when he went down for his afternoon nap, I got to snuggle on the sofa with a cup of tea and do some much needed blogging. It all felt so blissfully normal. Such a refreshing change to the past couple of weeks of running round like a blue arsed fly, desperately trying to remain festive while secretly wishing I was at home scoffing chocolate in my pyjamas. 

I love Christmas. It really is the most magical time of year. But this year especially, I have found myself craving my simple life full of play dates, baby groups and sofa snuggles. 

And today couldn't have been more gloriously, perfectly normal. 

Our week in pictures #3

Hello all welcome to another week in pictures! As promised, I did more this week than just sit around in my pyjamas and take selfies! 

We started off our week with a trip to baby gym class with a mummy friend and Luke's best buddy Ted. It is so much fun for the boys, and us mummies had a wail of a time on the trampolines (they're the sort of thing that you find extremely exciting when you're a mummy!) 

They are getting so grown up now, it's hard to imagine they were once tiny newborns with floppy heads! 

I also had quite an emotional week. While writing a blog post on being a preemie mummy, I scrolled back through all my photos of Luke as a newborn. I have to say it hit me harder than I expected and I got all blurry eyed looking at my little boy in an incubator and realising how far he has come. 

Our week has also been filled to the brim with mummy play dates this week.  Although it is mainly so us mummies can keep some degree of sanity and gorge on obscene amounts of chocolate, I also feel it's really lovely for the boys to have some bonding time (and I think they enjoy seeing something other than mummy's boring face!)

Despite the gloomy weather today, our week couldn't have had a more perfect end to it. As my husband has been away a lot this week, we decided to have a family trip into Bath and wonder round the gorgeous Christmas market. I had the most wonderful time, keeping myself toasty with an all important glass of mulled wine and I am now finally getting into the festive spirit! I was also spoiled rotten and my darling hubby got me a new iPhone as an early Christmas present! Mine was rapidly dying and I had been angling after the rose gold one ever since it came out (My wedding ring is rose gold so of course I needed a matching phone!) 

We were cold and damp by the one we arrived home so cooked and devoured a delicious roast - I think I have decided it's my all time favourite meal. Sunday's are the best :-) 

Lastly, we hit a very important milestone this week - exactly one week before he turns 8 months, Luke is sitting up by himself! So I am an extremely proud mummy. 

Be prepared for a very festive 'Our week in pictures' this coming week - we are putting the Christmas tree up, making hand print decorations and blitzing the Christmas shopping! Expect tinsel, baubles and obscene amounts of fairy lights! 

Being mummy to a preemie

I remember repeating it like some sort of mantra - "he's due the 11th May" I would say over and over again to each person who looked at my bump and asked when he was coming. So when I was taken to hospital on 28th March and told that my waters had broken and baby would be with us in the not too distant future, all I could think was "but he can't come... my baby's not due until the 11th May.

Funnily enough I had a feeling throughout my entire pregnancy that Luke was going to make an early appearance (lets call it mothers instinct). I had my hospital bag packed from about 26 weeks after having a horrible nightmare in which I went in to early labour and had nothing to take with me. That weekend I promptly bought everything I needed for my bag and left it buy the door, waiting for babys birthday to arrive.

         The day that Luke arrived 

I was measuring big from very early on and on the night of 28th of March, I sprung a hind water leak at my friends engagement party (thunder stealing much?!) I will never forget the feeling of panic and uncertainty when the doctor told me "your waters have started to go. We will keep baby in as long as we can but it looks like he's coming early". What followed were a very stressful few days of blood tests, steroid injections, bed rest and scans. We managed to keep him in an extra week but on 6th April, exactly 5 weeks early our little baby boy entered our lives.

                  Baby's first photo 

Having your baby come early, every step of the way is filled with worry. I was lucky to have a relatively straightforward labour and birth. However at the end of it I only got to hold Luke for a couple of minutes before he was whisked away from me and taken to NICU. I didnt get the post birth cuddles and closeness. When everyone else was on the ward with their babies next to them, I was alone with what seemed like a million miles between me and my little boy. It seemed so unfair at the time that everyone else was getting newborn cuddles and spending time with their little bundles of joy and then there was me. Stuck in a nightmare of bad news.

          Luke at just a few days old 

There is also a slight sadness to being a preemie mummy. I am hugely grateful and feel very blessed that Luke ended up being ok. He is now no different to any other 7 month old. However I can't help but feel a pang of jealously whenever people mention being in that 'newborn bubble'.
Being mummy to a poorly little preemie you don't get to be in a bubble of feeding and cuddles and pyjama days on the sofa. My bubble was full of wires, machines, blood tests and hospital food. It is a really hard place to be in, especially when it feels like the rest of the world are living in a happy little bubble of love. And quite honestly with all our problems along the way, I didn't find it got any easier until Luke hit 6 months.

            First cuddles with Daddy 

Unfortunately when you are pregnant, you don't get told about how to deal with being mummy to a premature baby. No one tells you how hard it will be, how drained and helpless you will feel when it all starts to go wrong. When we were in hospital, we had to deal with things I hope I never have to go through again: Our baby being rushed to the resuscitation table, not being able to hold him properly until he was 2 days old, having to navigate your way around a mass of wires whenever you wanted a cuddle. No one prepares you for what it will be like if your baby comes before your due date.

Having a baby earlier than planned is a really scary, difficult thing and I personally think that pregnant women should be educated and made aware of what they could potentially face. I am just thankful that I was lucky enough to have a really wonderful support network of friends and family along with my lovely husband.

     Now a happy, healthy 7 month old 

Our week in pictures #1

When I decided to start doing a recap blog post of what we have been up to each week and I had no idea how much fun it would be! Looking back at the photos I took this week and remembering what did was lovely and I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this post! 

Now I am back at work the weeks just seems to whizz by in the blink of an eye and before I know it we're starting all over again. 

This week has been lovely and full of friends. We had some of my favourite people round at the beginning of the week and made my sweet potato hash recipe for brunch. The recipe is up on my blog - it is the perfect autumn/winter meal and is super tasty as well as being healthy! 

This week it was also Mr yummy mummy's birthday (his first as a daddy!) so we had presents and cards and lots and lots of cake! Unfortunately Luke got a little bit excited about the card and decided he wanted to eat the envelope - we went with it and pretended the soggy patches were kisses! I realised on the day that Luke wouldn't be able to try any of the cake because of his CMPA, so next year I'm going to find a good dairy free cake recipe and make one so he doesn't feel left out. If you have any good ones please let me know! 

We met up mid week for coffee with Granny and Grandad which is one of Luke's favourite things to do. We are very blessed to have my parents near by which means Luke gets to see a lot of them. He absolutely adores them (and they are besotted with him - they're very dotey Grandparents!)

We also got to see Auntie Anna this week - We don't get to see her a huge amount as she is a mega cool and very busy 17 year old! 

She came over on Thursday to read bedtime stories and Luke absolutely loved it. He settled like a dream so I have told my sister she has to come and do bedtime every night! 

And then we were suddenly back at Friday and Saturday which are my working mummy days. I was run off my feet both days with customers buying beautiful jewellery. However it made me realise how behind I am on my Christmas shopping - I haven't even started making lists of who I need to buy for yet! You know you're disorganised when even the men are beating you to it! 

We also had a big first this week - Luke has cut his first two teeth! (which explains why he's been such a grump recently)

You can already see his face shape changing. I got all emotional as my little baby has gone and he's starting to turn into a little boy! It's scary how fast they grow up and I am determined to make more of an effort to savour every second of it. 

That was our week - next week I am getting my first set of Christmas nails done which I am super excited about. So keep an eye on my Instagram for pictures! 

5 things no one tells you about being a mummy

When people find out you are pregnant, they cannot wait to jump on the band wagon and give you little pieces of advice (sometimes helpful and sometimes definitely not!) But there are some things that people leave out or fail to mention. To be honest I think if everyone knew all the truths and facts about becoming a parent, there may be a few less children in the world!
I have always been a baby person and been very involved with friends children, so I thought I knew quite a bit about babies. As it turns out, I was quite wrong and motherhood has been a huge learning curve for me!
Below are a few things that no one told me about becoming a mother... and I sort of wish they had!

You no longer have time for baths.
Have you ever read The Large Family '5 minutes peace' by Jill Murphy? I used to love it as a child and I found it absolutely hilarious! Now I totally get where mummy elephant is coming from and is no where near as funny now I am mummy elephant (in every sense after the number of teacakes I have consumed in the past 3 days!)
There is no time for baths when you are a mummy. A 5 minute shower if you're lucky where you only manage to shave one leg and forget to wash the conditioner out of your hair!
The only plus side to this is on the rare occasion that you do have time for a bath, it is the most wonderful thing in the world. Make sure you savour every second and have candles and a glass (*cough* BOTTLE *cough*) of wine with you.

You will no longer have a handbag.
Now to be fair people did tell me this. I naively thought I would carry round my beautiful Mulberry bag with me as well as the baby changing bag. As it turns out, this is not really very practical. Funnily enough when you are already carrying a car seat, a changing bag that weighs 5 tons, a dummy, a blanket, your child's favourite toy and probably a snotty baby wipe, you don't have a spare hand for your beloved handbag. Instead you have to shove your purse, phone and keys in the changing bag and hope they don't come out covered in milk or strawberry puffs (spoiler alert - they probably will)

You will have to make polite conversation with every single person you meet.
Even if you don't know them. In fact more often than not they will be a total stranger. Don't get me wrong, I think its lovely that people are friendly and take an interest in babies. But when you've had a crap night and have an over tired baby who needs to get home for lunch which you are already late for, the last thing you want to do is stand in Tesco and discuss whether your baby is a good sleeper (surely you can tell from my face that they most definitely are not?!)

There will be a point where you want to kill your husband.
Even if he has done nothing wrong and everything right, you will find yourself so irrationally angry and sleep deprived that there is a high chance you will ask Siri where you can hide a body. Of course after a glass of wine you calm down and realise that if you actually killed your husband, that you would have to get the wine from the fridge yourself. So you decide to keep him around.. at least for the moment.

You will feel a different kind of love to anything you have ever experienced.
Its funny - people tell you that you'll love your baby in a way that you can't imagine. And you nod along and think you know what they are talking about. But until you hold that little person that you made and carried for the first time, there is no way on earth that you can even begin to imagine how fiercely protective you will feel of that little life. Or how close to bursting you will feel when they smile at you and put their hand on your face. Or how proud yet petrified you will be when they sit up for the first time and you realise they're no longer a helpless little baby.

What have you learnt since becoming a mummy? Do you wish you had known before you had your little one? Or are you glad you got to find out along the way?

I am thankful for wine.

I was talking to a friend recently and we realised that we are not thankful enough for the things we have and how lucky we are to have them. It is so easy to focus on the things that aren't right and the things you don't have in your life and while doing that, we forget all the wonderful things that we have in our lives. Big or small, I think it will do me the world of good to focus on the positive things, be more grateful and realise actually how lucky I am. So here goes... What am I thankful for?

My husband. Yes sometimes he does my head in. Yes he doesn't always do what I'd like or help as much I want. And sometimes I swear I'm going to commit murder. But then I actually think about it and realise how lucky I am. 

He is always on my side. He hugs me when I'm sad and buys me chocolate when I'm really sad. He dances around the kitchen like a lunatic to make me laugh. He works his butt off to give us a good life. He de-ices my car on frosty mornings so I don't get cold hands. And he buys me my favourite wine when I've had a stressful day. He's not always perfect but I think I need to appreciate more often that he's actually pretty bloody good. 

Wine. Ok it sounds cliche and maybe a bit desperate. But seriously can you think if anything that beats sitting on the sofa after a long day which started at 5am full of nappies and sick and crying, and taking that first sip of delicious, tummy warming wine. Mmmmm I can't...

My dog. She steals nappies and tries to eat the contents. She wees on the floor when she gets excited and she barks at anyone who comes within a mile radius of our house. She steals my pants and takes them to bed with her. But she is the most loving dog I've ever met. She gives me cuddles on the sofa at the end of a hard, tiring day. She is always excited to see me, no matter how much of a grumpy cow I'm being that day. She sits with Luke and doesn't bat an eyelid when he grabs her fur. And she has a mega cute wrinkly face which makes the world a better place. 

My mummy friends. My mummy friends have helped me through one of the toughest and most challenging times in my life. They've seen the hysterical tears (sometimes of joy, but mainly of desperation!). They've seen me looking exhausted, disgusting, un-showered and covered in sick. We have talked about poop, labour, sex, useless husbands and lady parts. There are no boundaries and yet they continue to love me and be there for me no matter what. And I think that's amazing. I honestly couldn't live without them. 

My parents. I am lucky enough to have my parents close by. That doesn't mean they have to help. But they do. Whenever they can and without question. Yes sometimes they interfere when I wish they wouldn't and I find myself wishing they lived in Australia. But they've enabled date nights to happen, sleep to be caught up on and most recently for me to be able to return to work. And I can't thank them enough.

Mascara. Because let's be honest - it doesn't even bare thinking about what I'd look like without it. All I can say is Lancôme, I love you. 

My little boy. My beautiful, healthy smiley little boy. It's sometimes hard to be thankful for babies. Of course we are, but when it's 3 am and they've been screaming for the past 2 hours it's hard to be thankful. And when you give everything you've got and it still doesn't seem to be enough for them it's hard to be thankful. 

But then I think, and realised how blessed I am to have a baby who is healthy and happy. 

He smiles when he sees my face first thing in the morning. He gives me kisses (well he kind of licks/eats my face - that counts right?!). He snuggles in to me when he's sleepy and gives me amazing cuddles. He coos at me and has the most amazing giggle. And he makes me feel so full of love that sometimes I feel like I actually might pop.

It is so easy to forget the wonderful  in life, no matter how big or small they seem. This next week I want you to do something for me. Every day write down 3 things you are thankful for. It can be as important as your husband or as trivial as your favourite lipstick. But give it a go and I think when the week is up, you will be amazed at how many wonderful things you have in your life that maybe you didn't realise or appreciate until now. Let me know below what you are thankful for. 

Back to work after maternity leave

Well that went quickly... In two days time I officially go back to work and have to be a proper grownup that doesn't wear pyjamas all day and talks about something other than jumperoos or the contents of my sons nappy. 

I have mixed feelings about my return to work. As I'm only going back 2 days a week, I am still going to have plenty of time with my cheeky little pickle. But when I decided to go back I did naively think he would be sleeping better (obviously this was before I actually had the baby!)

On the one hand I can't wait to be back. I work in a jewellery shop and I LOVE my job. Helping people choose their engagement and wedding rings is one of the most amazing, exciting things and rewarding things to do. (Not to mention sitting in the window trying on all the enormous diamonds -- don't tell my boss!) 

Sadly the thing I think I am looking forward to most is wearing proper grown up clothes that aren't covered in sick/wee/whatever Luke has had for lunch that day - I can't wait to put on a pencil skirt and heels! (I know that sounds so lame but it's the little things in life right?!) 

I am also looking forward to getting part of myself back that has sort of felt like it's been missing while I've been on maternity leave. I put a lot into my job, and although I love spending time with my baby I have really missed feeling as useful and appreciated as I do at work. 

However I am also nervous. Will I still be able to function at work if I've had a grand total of 3 hours sleep the night before? Will I still enjoy my job as much as I did before? And most importantly how will I cope with not seeing my little boy for 2 whole days? The hours I work mean I will often leave before he wakes and come back after bedtime. I have never been more than a few hours without Luke - how am I going to cope with working 2 consecutive days where I don't see him at all? 

Putting my mixture of excitement and doubt aside, I am very blessed with the capacity in which I am able to go back to work. I am lucky enough to only be going back 2 days a week which means I am still able to have plenty of time with Luke. And not only that, thanks to my husband and my darling mother I am able to go to work knowing he is being looked after by people who truly care for him. And for that I am eternally grateful.

So now to get back to the very important tasks at hand - choosing an outfit, picking out a handbag and looking out my much needed travel coffee cup! 

Roll on Friday... Let's do this. 

    New clothes is the reason you go back right?! 

Our first family holiday

Life is just starting to get back to normal after returning from our first ever holiday as a family to Cyprus last week. 

    By the pool on our first family holiday

Our flight left at 7:30 from Gatwick which meant a rather early start (leaving our house at 2am) however this timing worked really well for Luke as it meant he slept for the 2 1/2 hour car journey to the airport. 

I was honestly hugely impressed with both the airport and the airline when it came to being family friendly. 

Gatwick had a special separate family section for going through security, meaning we didn't have to queue and were through and out the other side within about 10 minutes (one of the perks of travelling with a baby - you rarely have to queue!)

We purchased a fold down pram especially for the holiday as we didn't want our iCandy getting ruined in the hold of the aeroplane. We ended up going for the Mamas and papas chevron buggy. I have to say I was hugely impressed with this considering what we paid. It folded down really quickly and easily making things a lot simpler at the airport. It also reclined all the way back which was fab for when Luke was asleep and it was very easy to steer. The only slight criticism I had was the storage underneath - it was baggy and things kept falling out of it. But all in all I was very impressed. 

Luke was an absolute angel on the flight out and I was so proud of him. 4 1/2 hours is a long time to be in one place and he was good as gold. The Easyjet staff were lovely with Luke and the plane itself was really comfy - I was pleasantly surprised! 

Obviously going to Cyprus we were hoping for beautiful sunshine and toasty warm temperatures. The first few days were a bit rubbish weather wise, although the lack of sunshine was made up for my the amazing thunderstorms we had at night. They were unlike anything I've seen in England! 

Thankfully for my pasty pale legs, the sun showed its face a couple of days in and it was divine. We found it that Luke has his daddy's skin, he just has to look at the sun and he gets a gorgeous tan (unlike me who can spend weeks frying myself in the sun and get no more than a slight golden glow) 

    Indulging in a little bit of baby tanning!

I tried to get Luke to have a dip in the pool (which was gorgeous by the way!) but it was a little bit on the chilly side and after tears when his feet were dipped in, I decided it probably wasn't best to go any further! 

The food was amazing and I ate my weight in seafood, had plenty of gin and tonics by the pool and was generally a little over indulgent! We went out for cocktails one night and I had the best Cosmopolitan I think I've ever tried. 

   Seafood feast on the balcony 

We also hit some developmental milestones while we were out there (it's amazing the changes that happen in a mere week!)

Luke rolled over for the first time and... Wait for it... HE SLEPT THROUGH! 

Unfortunately the second victory was short lived and hasn't happened since we got home. Which if you think about it logically, means we really should move to hot, sunny, gin filled Cyprus. For the baby's sake of course...

    Beautiful sunset by the sea

    Bravely holding a nappiless baby! 

    The view from our gorgeous room

Confessions of a nearly yummy mummy...

I've read a couple of confession blog posts recently and they always make me chuckle. So I thought I'd share mine with you in the hope that I'm not the only one who does these! 

I use babywipes for everything...

Yes I do literally mean everything. Cleaning baby, cleaning surfaces, wiping Windows. I even use them as makeup remover wipes (sometimes I just don't have the energy to cleanse, tone and moisturise!)

Sometimes I pretend to be asleep... 

Usually at the weekend to see if my husband will take a hint and get up to feed Luke instead of me (it never works but it's worth a try right?!)

My 6 month old watched CBeebies...

Not often. But sometimes I need to clean or put on the washing. Or do my makeup so I don't look like a 15 year old sleep deprived drug addict! And sometimes the only thing that keeps him quiet is the Twirlywoos (even though it does my head in)

I have called my baby an arsehole...

Ok this I am not proud of. I will try and justify it by letting you all know that it's usually preceded with "I love you but..." Still not great I know, but when it's 3am and you've been awake for the past 2 hours for the millionth night in a row it's kind of true...! 

I'm a bit addicted to shopping online...

I have always been a slight shopaholic but since having a baby I have so much more time to browse the Internet (mainly asos while feeding/being a human mattress) which inevitably ends in multiple deliveries to our flat and a sad and empty looking bank account at the end of the month...! 

By baby's favourite toy is my iPhone...

At this rate he will be more tech savvy than me (not that it's particularly hard) by the age of 2! 

Monday's are pyjama days...

Every week. There's something about Monday mornings that just make me not want to leave the house or get out of my super comfy jammies (they're Ted Baker and I LOVE them)

Sometimes I dry shampoo my hair 3 days in a row...

Yes this does mean that I haven't washed my hair for about 5 days. But sometimes it's just too much effort. And dry shampoo makes it look so lovely and volumous! 

I 'go to the toilet' so I can check Facebook...

And get some peace and quiet. I know it's trivial but sometimes I need to know what's going on outside mummy world! And sometimes it's the only way to get my husband to take the baby and not hand him back after 2 minutes! It does however make people a little suspicious as to why you spend so long in the bathroom. 

I told you mine... Now tell me, what are your best and worst confessions - mummies and non mummies! 

Baby led living...

Baby led living. Or 'sod it and do whatever the fuck works on the day parenting' as my friend likes to call it. 

We have had a bedtime routine for Luke since he was about 6 weeks old and it works brilliantly for us. However the rest our day was a little bit all over the place so, I recently decided to try and create a schedule for us so our days had a little bit more structure to them. 

As the mummy of a 6 month old I have read my fair share of baby books. Add in the fact that my little one has allergies, doesn't sleep fantastically and suffers with reflux and I probably have enough books to start my own library (plus the ones I have frantically downloaded to my kindle at 3am while desperately trying to rock Luke back to sleep!) So I flicked through the pages and came up with a vague plan to get our daytime routine started. 

I decided to go with the general idea of waking him at a set time every day, putting him down for a nap around 10 and then another around 2. A lot of advice told me that putting my baby in his cot at a set time each day would eventually lead him to learn that those were the times he should nap and that waking him at a set time every day would help set his circadian rhythm. We tried this and it did not work out well! I persevered and all I ended up with was a cranky baby and a grumpy, tired, stressed out mummy. 

So instead of trying to force Luke to do things at set times I decided to follow his lead and see what he wanted. As soon as I started to take note of Luke's natural routine rather than one I was trying to force on him, things started to take shape. I have since learnt that Luke needs to wake up when he is naturally ready and not be woken (this can be as early as 6am and very very occasionally as late as  8:30). I have learnt that he won't take a nap as soon as he shows sleepy signs - he has to be pushed as far as he can until he's exhausted, then he's out like a light and usually has a good nap! And I have learnt that sometimes he'll have a long 2 hour nap and other times he'll be wide awake and raring to go after only half an hour! We just have to take it one day at a time. 

I think books sometimes help by enabling you to get an idea of what could work. However it is so so important to remember that every baby is different, what works for one baby won't necessarily work for another. And just to make it even more confusing, what works one day for your baby might not work the next (they change their mind from day to day just to keep us on our toes - because it's not hard enough already!) 

Although strict routines work for some people, I think that baby led living may be the way forward for others. Don't worry If it's all going wrong and trying to create a routine isn't working for you - try having more of a rhythm to your day rather than a rigid routine and be led by what your baby wants to do. After all, think of it from the point of view of an adult. We are not always tired at the same time, sometimes we want an early night and sometimes we can stay up late into the night. I don't imagine babies are any different. That's just my take on things, but if you're struggling with routine then being led by your baby may just be worth a try. 

Sometimes it's hard... And that is all.

 No one tells you how painfully exhausting the nights will be during sleep regressions. 

Nobody tells you how often you end up crying along with your baby at night. 

No one tells you how hopeless and powerless you feel when your child is ill and has to go to hospital. 

No one tells you how desperate you'll feel when you're the only voice your child has and the doctors won't listen. 

No one tells you how much it will hurt when your child refuses to eat the food you've spent hours preparing. 

Nobody explains the sinking feeling you get when you hear them cry out again and you just want to lie down after 6 months of sleep deprivation. 

No body tells you what a failure you'll feel if you can't breastfeed. 

No one tells you how often you snap and shout at your husband even if he's done nothing wrong. 

No one tells you about the days where you feel totally isolated, as if you're doing it all alone. 

Don't get me wrong, my son is my world and I love him more than words can describe. There are so many positives to being a parent: getting to have cuddles in the middle of the night just you two, seeing their faces light up when you look into their cot in the morning or having your baby cling onto you as they fall asleep in your arms are amazing things which make all of the above seem irrelevant. 

But sometimes you just need to be able to say that being a mum is hard. No justifications or buts followed by the positives of parenthood. Sometimes you just need to be able to say that being a mummy is really hard and soul destroying. Because sometimes it is. And thats OK - it does not make you a bad parent. Just an honest one. 

When being a mummy gets a bit too much...

As a mother, you encounter more than your fair share of laugh or cry moments. I have found that in order to steer clear of becoming a sobbing mess on the kitchen floor, it helps to make a joke out of it and share it with the world (the main reason why I am so in love with the Unmummsy mum's Twitter feed!) 

Ok so maybe not the whole world but at least a close mummy friend who can sympathise and laugh along. 

These experiences are usually shared via text message at ridiculous hours of night, dictating the appalling amount of chocolate/wine you have consumed and are filled with an obscene amount of profanities!) 

There was the time I'd slept so little the previous night that I couldn't quite bring myself to get off the floor, but was greeted by a reply that made me laugh so much I managed to perk up and find the strength to get through the night shift!

The day that everything decided to go tits up all at once and my lovely friend got bombarded with messages while I tried not to have a mental breakdown...

The day our incredible business plan began to take form (we are still working on it and I will inform you when we take the idea to Dragons Den)

And then the day where I seriously considered giving my cat away at 5 o'clock in the morning...

It may just be my experience, but I have found that even at 6 months the hard days by far outweigh the easy ones. However having someone to laugh and joke about it with is what gets you through it all and out the other side (the other side being 7:30pm where there is wine and chocolate and a big squishy sofa you can curl up on) 

Stay strong fellow mummies. And if you ever need someone to have a mini-mental breakdown at, I am always at the other end of my emails :-)



 

The joys of sleep deprivation...

There's a reason sleep deprivation is a method of torture, it's because it is crap. Seriously crap. It's not just a newborn phase - there are sleep regressions (no one warned me about these!), teething (Luke's current favourite) and then the nights that are just awful for no reason! 

You're woken every two hours, probably thrown up/dribbled on several times and spend God knows how long trying to rock your screaming bundle of joy back to sleep (often unsuccessfully I might add). You are then expected to get up at the crack of dawn and spend the entire day being excited about everything and entertaining your child, who undoubtedly will be full of beans and be totally oblivious to the effect their night time games have had on you. 

The best comparison I can make is to that of an epic hangover. I'm talking the kind where you don't even want to eat or get dressed and you just curl up in a ball on the sofa watching trashy TV and feeling sorry for yourself. 

However as a mum, not only do you get deprived of the option to do any of that, but you don't even get the fun part of drinking and partying the night before! 

I know it is part of being a mum and it's all worth it in the end, but right now in my current hazy, blurry eyed little world, it is crap. Really really crap. 

So next time you're in Starbucks and see a mummy with a baby - be a saint and buy her an extra strong coffee. It will probably be the best thing that happens to her all week...! 

The importance of mummy friends.

One of the things I worried about most during my pregnancy was how and where I was going to meet other mummies. As the first of my friends to have a baby, I didn't have anyone who was going to be in the same position as me and with my hormones raging and my brain being completely irrational, I was of course convinced I was going to be a hermit mummy with no friends at all.

I toyed with the idea of NCT courses which thankfully we decided not to do, as Luke's early arrival would have meant a huge waste of money and no classes! I subsequently decided I was just going to go to every available baby group in our area and surely I was bound to make some other mummy friends.

In the end I needn't have worried at all. I have met all my wonderful fellow mummies through friends of friends. Someone you know will always have a friend who is pregnant or has a new baby and they will be dying to introduce you, as chances are that mummy to be will be equally worried about being lonely.

I am very blessed to have a wonderful and ever growing group of gorgeous mummy friends who join me at baby groups, drink obscene amounts of coffee with me and sympathise and commiserate when I am running on only 2 hours sleep. I have one particularly special mummy who I message a ridiculous amount, at every antisocial hour of the day and who has seen me at my very worst - looking like hell and sobbing like a toddler in the middle of an epic tantrum. Despite the fact that I have known her for a mere 6 months, I count her as one of my closest friends and I know that she will always be there if I need her and I will do the same for her. Being responsible for miniature, teething dictators gives your friendship a special bond that only a fellow mummy can truly understand!

So pregnant or new mummies, try not to worry. No matter what your age or job or stage in life, you will make mummy friends who will support you and help you through one of the hardest times in your life. I have met mine through friends, in hospital, at baby groups and even re-connected with one of my old school teachers!
When you have a baby you will make the most wonderful friends and trust me, they will be some of the most important and wonderful people to ever step into your life.

Sometimes it's nice to feel yummy...

Maybe it's just me, but in my mere 6 months experience as a mummy I have found that the occasional bit of pampering is extremely important!
It's sometimes the little things that get you through the hard days - really yummy smelling hand cream, your favourite perfume or miraculously having time for a bath when (IF!) the baby finally settles.

The last few months I have found that I cannot live without my Gelish nails. Once every 2 weeks, I leave the baby with my hubby and visit a lovely lady who spends an  hour or so making my hands look gorgeous. A whole hour all to myself where I don't have a screaming baby and can stop being mummy, just for a second.

And to make it even better I have beautiful nails for a whole 2 weeks. God knows I no longer have time to sit and patiently wait for regular varnish to dry without being interrupted by dirty nappies, baby sick or the dog barking and putting and end to nap time - have you ever tried holding a baby with wet nails? Don't. It does not end well...!
For me, this seemingly trivial little treat means that on the days where the night has been crap, I am wearing pyjamas covered in *insert bodily fluid* and I look like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards, I catch sight of my hands and still feel just a little bit fancy. It's the little things that make all the difference.

So if you know someone with a baby, offer to babysit and send them off for a treat. And mummies if you are feeling the need for a little TLC (I don't know a single mummy that doesn't) enlist the help of partners, friends or family and get yourself down to a salon for a tiny bit of you time - occasionally it's allowed :)